Those Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - going on a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."